Ice Ice Ice Everywhere

Fortunately we are safe and sound, heat, electricity and everything is running for us. However there are many in my state who didn't get so lucky! A highway, my dad said, was closed for most of the day cause trees fell and trapped even the biggest rigs along the highway. Power is out and won't be fixed for even perhaps a week for some! My dad's roof got hit with a fallen (huge) tree branch! Good Grief life is hitting him hard these days, as with most people. I'm praying for some kind of end in sight. I'm laughing my head off watching "Little Britain" Laughing like crazy!

Our offical papers came in the mail saying we are no longer members of the Mormon church. No lightening bolt hit me dead, imagine that! The feeling I have to live a decent life and never be cut down again is already wonderful. I won't be that "number" rather I can now be a person and serve the way I want to serve and not feel like I'm only doing it cause I have to as a part of some larger pretense. I've been sick of living in my hometown/homestate and live around an "out west" mentality, cause if I was from my own place it didn't matter, I wasn't good enough to be part of the built-in friendships. Everyone who lived in UT and moved to my homestate always stayed with their own kind and as the native of my homestate never felt like a part of that mold. I can now hang out with my own and feel a sense of pride of my heratige of my very own community of which I was brought up! I'm helping the poor, hungry just because I know its the Christian thing to do and cause there are hungry and poor out there that need my help, that's it! I don't have to answer any silly questions later about myself even if I should just be trusted, and many even lie about their life's work....its just wrong. I have a sister in law who has been prohibited from getting sealed in the temple because of her "file" from a few years ago even after she'd been thru a bishops court. I won't be a project, won't that be dandy! Once our names are off the charts, we have freedoms and that includes no more people stopping by to "check up" on us. That's great!

I'm NOT in a NICE MOOD

I'm MAD. Holy cow what a crazy few days its been around the US of A. Okay so I hear on talk radio this morning Glen Beck talking about the woman who got trampled in a WalMart and who afterwards had a miscarriage, that's just unwarranted! Secondly, Glen B. was praising the guy who died trying to save that very woman's life! Glen was all so glad for the guy; he called it good news!! AND he'd be getting a big welcome at the pearly gates for such a good deed! Glen just rubbed me the wrong way when he said "the good thing only one life was taken (on black friday)" AHHHH!!! The death of a human (or two if counting the unborn) is at ALL EVEN A GOOD THING? over a SALE????? I'm discusted that even ONE life was lost, these things shouldn't happen over a sale of the flatscreen or the next gamebox! Material things just aren't worth losing a life over and to be trampled to death by! I have a severe problem with accepting this kind of thinking. I am outraged! I had to turn off the radio. Another crazy thing I saw on the news is people giving up their guns for plastic! WTF??? Guns are a tool. Where are these people's brains? Guns are being handed over just so that the past gun owner can get holiday shopping money. I've never heard of such a thing. We are as americans willing to give up our right to bear arms over shopping for the holidays. My second amendment right will always be my pride and joy. I'll die first if ever anyone were to come and take away that god-given right to be my own protector. I have freedom and personal protection from the use of my beautiful tool! And people want to give their guns up again over some materiel possession. I am just shocked, utterly friggen shocked.

Being it this time of year

This is a great time of year to reflect on all that I'm thankful for. There is just so much that has gone on in my life this year which has stretched me and made me more of who I am! I have approached this time of year with reflecting on my past and of this year and am thankful for ALL that has come! I am thankful for many years of marriage to my extraordinary husband and knowing the people who I know and have known along this journey. I am thankful for my children who show me a great deal of love, forgiveness and patience every day!

There is a God and I am constantly seeing his work in my life, blessing me in many ways throughout this year! Jesus Christ is my Saviour....I do all I can to follow Him and His teachings. While I care for the frail and broken-hearted; those who cannot care for themselves I feel it is indeed an honor even to dedicate my work to Him! I love Him, I love his teachings and the wonderful sacrifce he made for me, for who am I to be so deserving?

I have so many ideas of what more to write but I'm short for time. I had an idea of something else to write but it left me. I hate that when that happens! One new set of news is Logan is finally getting his lap band Dec. 1st so this will be his last Turkey Dinner as he knows it and he'll be dropping the weight and hopefully relieve his backpain issues as time persists. One last funny note, when Logan explained he was getting the operation to the kiddies they said "oh so you'll be skinny?" meaning after the operation is over. Ummm no. "oh so in a couple of days you'll be skinny?" nope. Then Mertz resorted to "in a few weeks." Well, it will happen slowly week after week but in about a year or more, and to them that's just too long of a time to wrap their heads around right now. Logan and I plan on taking pictures of his transformation!

LG* Life is Good*

Besides being called fat, pig, homely, and other unwarranted verbal attacks by one of my clients, I'd have to say that I've found my dream job! No longer do I answer incessant call bells and deal with multiple needs of different people at once, running like a chicken with her head cut off AKA nursing home atmosphere, instead I'm more "at home". Quite like a home away from home, except I'm not paying the bills! I tend to needs of one client in all 8hrs and have little to no contact with anyone else except a phone call here or there. Its quiet and restful with little to no stress--just what I need!! Tonight was extremely laid back! My client slept most of the evening 4-11pm with two or three interruptions that only lasted maybe 20min altogether of talking with this person and helping with immediate personal care. This person didn't want dinner or a snack so it was a real easy, relaxing evening for me. My only complaint was I forgot the popcorn while watching TV! But this job does not come without its hangups, like should I read or should I do some emboridery instead, Haha!! Reading on Obama just makes me want to puke, why did people vote for this moron?

So to change the subject on what else is new in life, the religion thing. Dad gave us his blessing and told me that he never forced the LDS church on us, and he added that at the time it was what he thought would be the right thing to do. Uum, why did we have to get up for seminary all those mornings or church? Well I did skip out on many mornings of seminary but I remember the raging "get up", I mean seminary's timing couldn't have been any worse---I'd not get to bed until 11-12am after having worked and homework, then have to get up at 4 or 5am to do church stuff?? As a teenager it was so ridiculous with the sleep the body needs as a growing teen-the church is out of their friggen minds "oh, but it will make you strong, or I remember all the kids saying they had 'a better day' because they went to seminary! Wait, everytime I went to seminary it was the complete opposite, it was always a bad day and when I didn't go and got some decent sleep it was a more producive day for me, to me it makes perfect sense!! Okay so I don't know if I buy the whole "didn't force it" thing but its all behind me now and I'm who I am. I am very fortuanate to have a parent who "gets it" and I don't have to live my life as some ex-mormon whose family bombards me with saying "you didn't have a true testimony" or "you just didn't have enough faith" or "satan has grabbed a hold of you and led you astray" Ummmm that's just poppycock!! My Mother In Law totally believes it was the latter comment of why Logan and I have left. Typical reaction. Appearently there's a sin with questioning any doctorine that goes against any reasoning. One guy in sunday school class (prime example of a complete and utter lack of intelligence here) stated that if science said humans have 5 senses and the prophet said that we had 8 he'd listen to the prophet than listen to scientific fact!! WHAT!? Logan has told me of many instances while in the church of stuff like this coming up. Fact is fact and God deals with absolutes and absolutes alone, he doesn't change! And if God doesn't change than why has the church? Ask anyone who has been in a recent temple ceremony the past few years and in one before 1991, the ceremonies have changed!! I have changed and now, Life is Good, LG my initials hehe!!

Pray before you vote today

I hope today goes well with voting and everything. I really am afraid that the worst guy for us all is going to win that being Obama, he's such a communist!! Did his grandmother really die or is it another sick tactic to have peeps sympathise to go and vote for him...I know that's one of the sickest thoughts yet to come from my head, but these guys are making me sick and will make us sick once they get into office...higher taxes, a mislead nation that it is already, I have no faith, but I'm going to vote anyways so I have grounds to complain, cause Like they say, you don't vote you can't complain!!! Isn't that the truth!! Pray before voting, that's all I've got to say and let God Lead us through these difficult times!

A new job, a new church, my life is changing in a new direction! I am now employed doing homecare through a company that is small that began in NH. I cant tell you much about my client but she's rich and that she is also a "bad word" that rhymes! Heehehee. Old and MEAN! She is why I was hired and right now she isn't too trusting of me. Time will manifest itself once I go there often enough. I started last week so its really too soon to tell.
Our new church is nondenominational and so far we have enjoyed the lessons/sermons. The music is very upbeat and everyone worships God and Jesus in singing praise in their own way but respectfully of those around them. I used to sit in my old church and think how boring it was just sitting and then imagining a more modernized church where people sway and rock out in a church chapel...I used to laugh about my imagined scene especially if old people "rocked out" too! Well my image has come true!! We have a live band singing and old and young people swaying and singing, some swaying with their grandkids in their arms singing the praises, I LOVE IT!! I feel I'm in the right place.

Free to worship as I see fit

I would just like to start out this evening or at the moment you are reading this to know that Logan and I after much study and much thought, prayer and much questions for almost the entire duration of our marriage, have come to the point that we can no longer live as MORMONS and instead live CHRISTIAN. We have been inclined to submit our cancellation of our membership in the Church because we can no longer live in what we have studied is a lie. We have had some problems with some things and no answers that make sense when they try to answer. Logan and I have been in some situations that have made our jaws drop. Experiences of people needing help and who were not members and the help was denied! I thought if we were christians we'd help those in need regardless!! The story goes like this: After church one Sunday, Logan and I were lingering around getting things together and we were one of the last ward members in the building with the Bishop and some other high positioned people who have access to money. A couple came in off the street, had a car that was out of gas and were asking for some money cause they didn't have any with them. They were directed to some of the "higher-ups" and none of them offerd any money cause it was Sunday!! Logan and I at this particular time lived in Keene with a very small income and after we saw these people get turned away cause they needed a hand Logan handed them $20 which was probably all we had for the next couple of days or even the week for that matter!! I mean come on!! It's not about the money it was about what we've always been taught, help your fellow man regardless of what DAY it is! That blew me up! I was upset and Logan was not impressed with how that was handled by the other men but Logan was a man and did what Jesus would have him do. And if Jesus wouldn't have him do it than who would? I'm sorry but turning your back like that is so hypocracy!! That was one example of the start of how some questions of the church came up. Or was it? I remember hating parts of church as a young person. I was, as many, expected to do a lot of memorizing, a lot of "work" to become recognized and if I didn't succeed in that "work" I wouldn't get that special recognition and end up feeling lousy about myself. I wasn't lazy, but I was interested in doing other things. I've found some good things and what those are I'll remember always. Not all my days in the church was all a waste but I have to let go of things that have upset me and some things have hurt me or my dear family and you know if its you if you read this. I have now come to realize some things are not always what you want them to be. And for me, I wanted to know that what I believed was true, but in our study (Logand and I) we found a much different story and the light of my eyes at first dimmed but are now sparkling and I'm feeling relieved....below is an article of how the church is so controlling that I (and my family) HAD to get out of!!
http://www.mormoncurtain.com/
The five controls of Mormonism is something I thought of to try and explain the psychological stranglehold LDS puts on its members. I tried to think of the ways in which LDS exerts control over one's life. Here are a few.

1)Social Control Part of the insidiousness of Mormonism is due to the clannish culture of every ward. Every one is privy to every one else's business. If a member has some transgression he or she is trying to "repent" of, most members will find out through ward gossip or simply notice the offending member is not "partaking of the sacrament." All this serves to promote a climate of fear of humiliation. People are afraid of what other ward members would think of them. This serves to keep all the TrueBelieving Mormons (TBM) in line. The brethren definitely condone this behavior. ( I remember when my mom was dying and it was always 'how's your mom/dad?' or something like that I'd wanna hide and dodge the crowd cause it wasn't their business and if they really wanted to know, why didn't they just call the house and ask???)

2)Time Control LDS controls time by keeping the membership busy at all times. Indeed, time is the enemy. Most TBMs are extremely busy with their callings, home teaching, church meetings, ward activities, and the spare time they are able to spend with their families. This busyness serves to prevent the membership from too much thinking. Members are too busy to question or research the claims of Mormonism. Even if they have a few doubts, they are much too busy to entertain those doubts. Also, everything is an emergency in Mormonism. Commitments must be made NOW. Don't stew on things for too long or Satan might get a hold of you. Don't procrastinate the day of your repentance... You must do it NOW!

(spare time is right! My mom lived at church, I decided not to make it so much my home and kept my distance as much as possible and some callings I've had were all meetings, meetings, meetings!!! not fun.)

3)Emotional Control LDS also exerts emotional control through manipulation. Create a climate of fear and guilt. We can all remember the great guilt heaped upon us by "The Miracle of Forgiveness." This book has done much psychological harm. This is part of what is taught repetitiously to all the membership. OBEDIENCE is the #1 rule of it all. Every GeneralConference, every member will be reminded of how they aren't good enough. Their not doing enough missionary work, their not home teaching, their not reading the scriptures enough, they are not doing well in their callings. This all creates a general level of anxiety... Elohim is never pleased...Remember, the saints were driven from Missouri because they weren't good enough.

(they had me emotionally; there have been some bad days that my depression really was stemmed from how not good of a mom, or wife I am because I listened to the voices that said I won't be blessed or not a good person if I don't "fill in the blank" any of those above! And then to have people come by my house and check up on me AHHHH!)

4)Financial Control Tithing is expounded on in many meetings. The intangible blessings of heaven are promised through paying your 10%. Blessings are the Carrot.The Temple Recommend is the stick. Imagine the pain one will go through not being able to see their child's temple wedding because they didn't pay their 10%. Another way of using the climate of fear to manipulate the membership.

5)Relationship Control The strive to be an "eternal family" is constantly reinforced to the members. If you aren't worthy, you won't be with your family forever. Even after the sealing, members are constantly in fear that they might not be good enough to keep their eternal family together. LDS becomes the middle man in family relationships. This is the insidious nature of LDS. These are a few of the controls that LDS utilizes to its full advantage. These controls contribute to much psychological harm. It can be extremely difficult to make the exit out. The only way to break these controls is to distance yourself as far away from it as possible.

I can't tell you how my life has been...all the anxiety...all the guilt...all the busybodies I cannot stand it! My life cannot go on in the insanity of rushing around doing all that was expected of me AND working full time, 11-7a none the less and try to be awake for visitors or going visiting with people I hardly know or trying to pay tithing when I barely even have enough to give cause what I'm giving is enough for a bill that's been overdue for a month that needs to be paid asap, or whatever, it was fear in my case also with the article as it states....I didn't like feeling controlled or the fact that people really could and did lie about their worthiness to enter inside a temple!
Life has a way, God has a way of leading us. Just like Adam and Eve wasn't supposed to eat from the tree of good and evil, they did, and was it wrong or was it right? And I wonder once you make a covenant, is it made to be broken for the increase of one's soul? God would never lie or give a commandment I couldn't keep so is Mormonisim man made or what? And I have wondered why in all history has there been not one coin, not one artifact or bone found from the Book of Mormon times--even a true map? At Hill Cumorah if there was such that big battle there, why hasn't there been one remains of a body found of that last battle or any other battles?? The internet has helped me to see! I do however believe the Bible has a lot more truth, we have maps of where things happened and they still exist today, we can go there and visit, we can walk where Jesus walked we can enter into its history in a very physical way and many religions also deem those places as Holy Land. So Logan, the Kids and I are on a new journey, study the Bible and live our lives more fully, heck, I like to shop on Sunday, and I'm not going to have some church tell me how to spend my money and maybe I won't go hungry or have another bill overdue
I found a video of a lady who I can relate to on her change and questions from being born into a 4/5 generation mormon family to leaving the church. Like myself, as she states its my heritage, not my beliefs. So if you have read this long post to here, I have not sinned and that is why I'm leaving, but only that Logan and I are fed up with all the dogma surrounding the church and the controlling factors as stated above that have caused even tension in my heart. I still Love Jesus and wish to exemplify Him in my life. Logan and I have found a new non-denominational church to attend which has a beautiful mission statement and is one that will allow us as a family to come closer to Jesus and without fears of being burned if you don't pay tithing...cause there are a lot of good people in the world, do you really think God will save only Mormons in the last days?? I have met some nicer people, more Christian people in my life than some Mormons.

What a DAY!

I'm looking for a new workplace--I no longer desire to be working 11-7am! Hopefully I can find a better place to work. The LTC center I was working in has been one of the worst in the state of NH! They will get theirs one day!!

Fall is here to creep us out

I went for a free tanning session today on an invitation from my sister in law who now works at a tanning salon in Nashua. She showed me around cause I've never done this before and its a new job for her so she needed someone to use to get used to her new job. I only went in for 3 min and already in the first minute or so I felt like I was crisping in my face!! It will take a couple more tanning sessions (if I choose) to get tan. The tanning cream she gave me to use was so gross smelling that reminded me of some medical procedure I had once that made me uneasy...however my mother in law said she loved the smell! To each their own! UCK!

I also want to write about something that Logan did last night with his sister the same one mentioned above. Renee, Logan and Feyd (our nephew 22yrs old) all went out last night to go UFO sightseeing near the Merrimack River near to Hudson. There has been a lot of activity there in the past years. So they went, I stayed home with the kids who were worried about Logan being gone knowing he'd have to walk thru some woods to get to the sightseeing spot but everything was okay. Nothing happend there and Logan told me Renee switched gears and said, that they should go ghost hunting! So they took off to a graveyard about 2 miles from our house at around 8pm where its now dark out. Logan said they pulled into the graveyard far enough in that the cars couldn't be seen from the road in case the cops were out due to curfew of dusk. Logan said he crossed the road to start walking around and immediately saw a darkend figure of a man stand up from his grave and start walking away from him! They just arrived!!! THEN Logan told me how he saw other things as did his sister and nephew. Logan said that there was another dark figure peeking out from behind a gravestone blocking some light that was coming from one of those all night glowing lamps! OMGoodness!!! Logan said his heart was racing and demanded they get out of there, and Renee wanted more and wanted to go further in and already had walked in about 50 yards. Then they also saw a man or woman leaning up against their gravestone! It was enough for Logan and Feyd to make thier hair on their arms stand on end however Renee wanted to go near where the children were buried. Logan didn't like that idea and said "we need to leave now!" practically crapping themselves Feyed was also begging his mom to go and she agreed. Logan and them went for a short trip to a restaurant to calm down after that excitement! Logan came home and mind you it was close to me leaving for work and he told me all of this still tweaking about what he had seen and concluded he'd seen many things in his life and now has seen it all! And was saddend that I now had to leave him to be alone for the night. Sometimes he can be a big baby! He actually did sleep all night without any problems. And I was driving to work imagining the whole thing. I was thinking if I was going to survive work cause I work in long darkend corridors while everyone sleeps. There is minimal lighting along the floors and occassional room lights still on but sometimes one can get scared in my place nonetheless. The nurse's station isn't dark its lit so we can do our paperwork so its not all dark all night. Anyways, Logan now wants me to join in their ghost hunting efforts at night to other cemetaries, I have such an interest but also such reserve! I guess there are a few in southern NH that have had some creepy discoveries/hauntings!!!!

I hope you dont smell smoke--EVER!!

Today I was home (usually home sleeping from the night's work) but I was home last night so I was awake doing dishes, washing the floor, mending some clothes (seriously I was!!) I sound like a 1930's wife!! LOL Logan was also home doing his thing before he heads off to his afternoon work. We live in a building with 5 other apartments and today we were the only ones in the building after a time. I had gone out to my car to get something and as I passed by one of our fellow neighbors' apartment I could hear what to me sounded like a loud beeping alarm clock. I thought maybe they were taking a nap and didn't hear the alarm clock or had set it sometime before and forgot to shut it off so that it wouldn't go off the next day...I'm sure we've all owned a loud alarm clock and know the story. After passing it a second time, coming back in, maybe they are in the shower or in the bathroom unable to shut the alarm off. All sorts of things were running thru my mind but did a fire run thru my mind? yes, but the alarm wasn't that convincing for it to be a fire alarm. It did smell like something was faintly burning but people burn stuff here and there and it wasn't a long time that I had gone downstairs and back inside again. Then, say, twenty or so minutes passed or less from the time I had come back in my apartment till Logan to leave to work. As we said our goodbyes he opened the door into the hallway and said it was smelled of something burning and get downstairs, Quick! So I took the phone down with me and we called the landlord, and told her we'd be calling the Fire Department next. I knocked on the door, yelled thru their open window, and nobody answered, and that dumb alarm sitll going off!! Nobody's car that belonged to anyone else in the apartment was around so we were the only ones who were home/inside the building!!! The Fire Department came and one of the guys jumped thru the open window and the next thing we saw was a pan being handed over smoking from being left on the stove! We waited outside. Soon our landlord arrived and she later came over and told us in addition to the stove being left on, that there were unattended lit candles in the house!!! I am so angry that this neighbor of mine would put us all under such a fire danger!!!! I don't want to know what would have come of our home if we hadn't been home!!! Truly, it would have been devistating knowing how fast this building would have gone up due to the age of our building!
I almost could have lost my home today because of someone's negligence on these matters. A stove, I think we all do leave things on by accident here and there, but candles.... it just isn't right!I hope this helps to remind everyone to keep the Fire Department off your doorstep and in the near holidays coming up, remember that we can prevent these situations by being more careful with cooking and with candles!!!

Hostess and on Vacation

I have been away for a while as I have been on the go! I have to start by thanking my sister and her family for helping me out tremendously with my getting things ready for Matt and Suzie from England to arrive. I was overwhelmed but have realized that sometimes one person cannot do it all but with the help of others it can become easier. I was humbled and very much appreciative of the support.

After the cleanup Matt and Suzie arrived and the home was warm and welcoming. We had many laughs and many jokes that never ceased! I think my favorite times were when Matt sang my name in a sing-song way LeeeeaAHH Whaha ha ha ha ha! The kids would chime in with Matt and I got the kids singing it but I don't think I got Matt on video singing it, it was more of a wake-up call when I was sleeping while during the day cause I still did work while they were here. Then Matt also in a opera deep stern voice make his wife's and my name sound again quite funny. SUZ-ANNE..LEE-AH.. it was cracking us up! Logan was coined "the one with the bad back" I don't even want to say what my name was as it pertained to my nurse job.... I laughed none the less! We visited the Salem witch museum and was disappointed that we spent $8 per person on something quite lame, so that became a joke, that the 'witches' were onto us! So basically anything that happend "bad" it was the witches fault and Suzanne and Matt or Logan and I would point it out by talking in a witch voice saying "the witches are ..." it was always a good way to overcome the situation at hand. Also Matt has a second identity he calls (English) Horse and Logan jumped on it back in England and named himself American Horse and the wives are the Ponies I being (American) Pony and Suzanne (English) Pony and that was another way of referring to one another. Mertz took guitar more seriously as he had a lesson with Matt. Matt taught him the beginning of the James Bond theme and another Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple. There's something about having someone other than Pa teach guitar that makes Mertz want to do it more seriously. Alina got along with the sillyness of the pair but kept to her shy self! Then concerts at the end of the week of their stay came quickly and the kids had sleepovers and I was helped tremedously again by family. I was saddend when our friends had to go as we are still talking about moving to England so that it may happen in this lifetime!!

Next onto our Vacation. I had some good days and I had some bad days on our vacation to disney. It was frustrating from the moment we met our new rental car. Our luggage and wheelchair didn't all fit so we had to ask for some help. And we had to have more help dragging it all. I was lucky that we weren't alone on this trip otherwise I certainly would have needed a vacation from the vacation, although it came pretty close to feeling that way as it was! I gave Logan my all, and my worst. I started off being a poor wheelchair driver and dealing with a "backseat" driver having him tell me to watch out from this or that or let everyone go in front even though we had more of the right of way...it isn't easy stopping on a dime with a heavy fella you use the same muscles going as you do stopping. My job has tons of wheelchairs but mind you its not as crowded as Disney nor are there hills at work to meander on. So I thought wheelchairs were fine for the trip! HA! I was also frustrated with the wheelchair's front wheels not going straight so when it was time to go it wouldn't! Frustrated as I was, I was determined to keep my cool, but I admit I lost it a few times in the heat with a chair that wouldn't go and a husband that criticized my driving, it was a making for a bad time. My daughter then lost her purse, we almost lost Mertz, we didn't have a road map the night we took a wrong turn in Florida, a few days later I helped a woman which in my moment of chaos was able to pause and see that I needed to help her in her time of need-she was alone at Disney looking for the Pirates of the Carrabean, later, we found Alina's purse, we used the motorized scooters which ended up being better for me, Mertz was not lost, we were there for one of our family members who needed our help, we enjoyed eating at the Golden Corral with our big family! Things started to come together and I was then able to feel like I was on vacation after all! We headed back for the airport escaping a tropical storm-what timing! Hopefully after Logan's operation his back won't be as painful for him and we can go on living putting all the wheelchairs behind us!!

Effects of Nursing on my life

I just was reading a newsletter that I get periodically from NH Nurses.org and in it they published an article that was originally put out by The Center for American Nurses. The article is titled "Personal and Career Conflicts: Effects on Well-Being"
Wow, finding that link saved me some time cause I wanted to quote some and comment on some. The first thing is about shift work! I work third shift aka Graveyard Shift and here's what they had to say about that "Studies indicate that working the evening shift is associated with striking differences in home life than working the day shift. Women's evening shift work results in re-gendering the divisions of household and childcare tasks. For example, fathers whose wives work evening shifts will spend more time with their children and do more 'feminine' household tasks than those whose wives work day shifts." I must be one of the few whose husband takes almost no part in doing the "feminine" work!! But I do have to say he does spend a lot of time with the kids in times that I need sleep. But the chores, it all lays on my shoulders people! Getting the kids off to school, laundry, cooking, lifting heavy objects, bring up all the groceries up to the third floor apartment, I DO IT ALL!! But it's not because my dear hubby is lazy oh no no no no!! He's got hip/lower back problems degenerative disk disease that don't enable him to move like he used to. Its been about 5 or so years that it has been affecting him.

"Women who work evening shifts report significantly higher work-family conflict than do day shift workers (Barnett, Gareis & Brennan, 2008; Barnett & Gareis, 2007; Presser, 2003). Conflict at home related to work expectation--does this resonate with your work-family experience?" My Answer is that sometimes working the overnight sure does put a damper on some aspects of life. Also the article went on to say, "The flexibility and variability of working hours appeared inversely related to health ! and psycho-social wellbeing: the most favorable effects were associated with higher flexibility and lower variability. Physical work, age, and flexibility were found to be the three most important factors affecting health and well-being. Flexibility was reported as the most important factor to influence work satisfaction; the second to affect family and social commitment and the ability to do the same job when 60 years old, as well as trauma, overall fatigue, irritability, and headache; and the third to influence heart disease, stomachache, anxiety, injury, and the feeling that health being at risk because of work. Variability was the third most important factor influencing family and social commitments. Furthermore, shift and night work significantly influenced sleep, digestive and cardiovascular troubles, as well as health and safety at work. Time pressure also showed a relevant influence, both on individual stress and social life. Workers who reported control of these variables had positive consequences related to coping strategies as evidenced by "feeling to be able to work until 60 years of age" That's a lot of truth in that! Remember I was having high levels of cholesterol-was working 3rd shift to blame? obviously sleep...my social life...oh my..I am out of any social scene outside of family, and its part of my own choice but also part of who I don't have for friends! I rarely commit to any kind of social happening especially thru church cause there's some nights that they hold an event and I am deadbeat tired that I choose bed/sleep instead, or I forget because I'm so tired! Trying to have anyone come over is another feat, if my house is falling apart, which it often does, than I avoid it at all costs cause that brings stress on me also! And for a good example our friends from England are coming in 3 weeks and I've already started to clean hoping the house will STAY CLEAN with kids its close to impossible unless we are paying close attention and follow them with picking up after themselves.
One more quote "How are you doing with so many "balls in the air?" Is your juggling of all of these conflicting roles and expectations taking a toll?" I try not to let my complicated life get to my head and I cope well with all that has been going on, however I've had my cracking moments! Also there are evidently some lack of sleep worrying about all that was left undone outside my bedroom door, as I try to keep my bedroom a place of rest and peace and try to keep even the world out of my house but life sometimes gets the world in somehow! I'm reminded of a last verse of the song Scripture Power"I'll wear each vital part of the armor of the Lord, and fight my daily battles, and win a great reward". I know that what I'm doing is the right thing right now for us, however I don't want it to last forever!!!

I'm making babies (hahaha)

I'm a bit new to the doll making scene. I've made a bear and a bunny in my sewing past and loved making them! I came across dinkybaby.com and thought that my mom had a pattern once to make these dolls but as it turned out its not the same but the patterns are similar and so I bought a couple to make. I got the "dinky baby doll" and I finished making her last night! Her head is a bit cone shaped but it is supposed to come out more rounded. (the group I'm on talks about making these dolls say you get better as you make more) I'm unsure if we are going to add any hair but that can hide the conehead!! I can make these and sell them according to the copyright rules and many others are making them to sell at craft fairs and doing really well with these dolls! I also love dolls in general so here are a couple other links of soft dolls
www.bebe-babies. com--these look so realistic
http://www.mothergoosedolls.com/clothdolls.html--she has a nice collection of funny hair on her dolls. Also I like her Raggety Ann who looks much like the original (I'm picky about how my Anny looks)
My doll I made, made out of skin colored flannel different fabric that's suggested so mine looks very different from the "dinky babies" but its encouraged to try other fabrics other than the velor that's mentioned on her site. My next doll is going to made from polyester like the fabric Stacy down below is made from.
Mom's doll that I have that she made me is still so cute and I've gotten a lot of complements on it and even its condition for her age which is now 25yrs old!!! (below)

New links I've added

So I've posted here-------->
some new pages of Logan and his myspace sites that include much of his own compositions that he's recorded the second listing is of a recording of his old band that really had a tight sound and great material for a record deal (which we hope someday will happen) and even some hit songs--listen for yourself if you don't mind the music doing the "talking" for itself. The first listing is really a preview of an upcoming CD and two original pieces that Logan has written for flute and guitar. The woman should be me in those pictures but so goes the life of a musician! I teased Logan bad how I'd like to crop myself next to him in some cute little dress too! Nothing really, but I will say that she's Alina's flute teacher. And one more item of funny business with this flutest; at a yankee swap at a party we attended with about 50 other people, she ended up with one of our silly gifts of a garden nome bending over pulling his pants down so you could see its behind LOL!!!! She owns it somewhere in that farmhouse of hers!

Our Drive In movie Experience

Went to the Milford Drive in for the first time together as a family and the first time in an extremely long time for both Logan and I-- in fact I don't even think Logan and I even went before kids--EVER! When we went it was on their celebratory weekend of being in business for over 30 years. Many things on the menu were priced at .50 things like hot dogs, small popcorn, Slurpee's, and well I don't remember the rest but the list wasn't that long compared to what they serve. But hey where can we go and get a hot dog again for that kind of price? Alina and I stood in line for about an hour just to get our snacks/hot dogs and drinks. As you can imagine everyone was flocking to the snack stand before the movie started. And even the line to the bathrooms was unbelievable! Another 15 minutes for the girls room and no waiting for the boys room. We saw Kung Fu Panda and the other movie was the new Indiana Jones movie of which we didn't stay for (I was upset to find out that the auxiliary on the ignition wasn't working without it beeping without end so we actually had to put the battery/starter on which is a no no unless you want to drain the battery) Needless to say I was a bit ticked off cause I was looking forward to see Harrison Ford's sweet bod on the silver screen (and I don't care if he's old!!). Otherwise it was truly a new movie experience for everyone--oh and not to mention it was the hottest weekend on record so of course we were somewhat miserable without indoor air conditioning and Logan vowed we wouldn't be doing this again. Live and learn. I'm glad we did it anyways for the memories and for the funny movie of Kung Fu Panda. experience

Smile

I'm looking forward to next week cause I'm going with Alina with her first grade class to Stone Zoo! I was chosen out of a hat to be a chaperone with four other parents from Alina's homeroom, I guess there were about 7 parents out of 5 that volunteered. Alina was hoping that I could go, so inevitably she's thrilled I'm going and luckily its even on my day off so I CAN go! Logan plans on keeping Mertz home and they will spend the day golfing after Logan gets a home visit from the nurse. It was about a week ago that Logan went in for a sleep study and they automatically told him after the study that he's going to need a C-PAP machine to help him sleep better at night. His oxygen levels go way too low and he stops breathing at least 30 times in a 2 hour period! I believe it cause I've been home and have watched him sleep and its scary and I knew he needed a machine due to my line of work, I have some knowledge of these matters. Its true that if he continued to go without a machine, he could die in his sleep for lack of breathing! The nurse is going to set up the machine for Logan and show him his settings etc. The machine forces air into the airway to keep up the oxygen levels. It shouldn't be for life, just until he loses the weight sometime after his surgery. Again he will go for another sleep study and he will (hopefully) not need it thereafter.
I have been unable to lose much weight lately, am I lazy? Living on the third floor with walls and ceilings and floors that are from 1960's not so soundproof and movement proof, so my neighbors downstairs will not like me jumping around, dancing, excercising cause that's all they would hear. I even hate yelling cause the whole place can hear it! I have a bike now but its transporting it to a safe area that's a pain! I have my excuses, its dumb, I know.

This weekend, I want to say Sunday morning, Alina was looking out our living Room window where we can see the busy intersection on our corner lot and she was particularly looking at the birds who like to flock on the power lines along the streets. One bird, who we now have named "Mr. Trouser" has got a unique home he lives in a space over the top of the red light on the stop light on the corner of Pine and Lake Streets. He was, as Alina said "Spring Cleaning" his home cause almost every time he'd pop out of the top of the light fixture he'd spit out some twigs, grass, straw, whatever is making his home uncomfortable. We pulled out the binoculars and even got a closer look of him , but not that much closer he's close anyways. Logan, the kids and I laughed cause he's like us; he lives on the "third floor" of the stop light. I've never seen a bird have a home in the stop light but this one must have a cap missing off the top of it and he just hops down in the hole and comes out and watches the busy of the area. Just about the entire stop light top is covered in bird doo doo. I guess he's marked his spot so other birs know its taken! Mr. Trouser is our nice neighbor for the summer who sings a gleeful song each day outside our window!

Life as a Nurse

Last night I was working the graveyard shift as I faithfully do...and at the top of my shift I greeted the other nurses and LNA's and they told me that one of our residents had just died. Our job before the undertaker comes we have to make the body presentable combing hair, washing face, and so on and the bed made nice with clean linen. The girls did that before they left, however they mentioned another soul was about to leave their mortal existence as well and to keep an eye on him. I did, I would walk by the room every hour to check if he was still breathing, and most times he was! This poor man had been a bit difficult in his short time with us. He was pulling on tubes that were not supposed to be pulled, he was always undressing himself and frustrated and in a ton of pain even with painkillers, trying to crawl out of bed. He sometimes fought with the nurses in physical combat, but with me he was for the most part cooperative.
So the undertaker came for the first man who died, I have dealt with deaths before but for some reason this time I was feeling sad even to tear up. It was just a bit strange when I helped the undertaker and another nurse to transfer the body from the bed to the stretcher. I had to kneel up on the bed and as we placed the body on the stretcher strangely, I was kneeling right where he'd been laying and the bed was sooo warm! Of course I knew why cause when we die all the blood pools to our backs. Okay so maybe you really are CREEPED OUT about my blog this time, but I find it so fascinating!
There was a bit of perspective playing out in my mind how even the fancy things in life have no meaning. And much of my current life has been set on some wishing of materialistic things and less on the more meaningful things. I have been having some experiences lately that are quite personal and thought processes that have really got my wheels turning and maybe why I was a bit on the emotional break last night. I didn't even know these men. The second man who was ready to leap into the afterlife I knew only a short time and mostly he slept and caused me to change his johnny and bedding many times and was on a mission to make me work for my money-actually he had no idea what trouble he caused and he's innocent really. But after a few hours after frequent checks he left this world. I called on the nurse to pronounce and then asked for some assistance in helping him get properly prepared for the next undertaker. It was also a sad moment but with all the suffering he had been thru, it was a relief. After I and my co-worker combed his hair and made him presentable I looked him over, and strange as it sounds, it looked like he had a smile on his face, almost as if to be glad he was done suffering! Death had come with a force last night, taking those ready to be taken home from the pains of this world! Life is short. Life can feel long in all the pains we have either mentally or physically, but we need to stay focused and discover for ourselves what our life is really about, and where our values lay and be sure we are not idling the wrong idols. To stay close to a Father in Heaven that love us and to share that love with others. I was touched how lately my life has had its ups and downs but the real anchor in my life is my belief in God and his plan for me. These deaths even though they were not of my blood relation, gave me a chance once again to reflect on our existence on earth and how precious it is!!

Recent Events

Yesterday (for Alina's late birthday gift) Alina did her first Build-A-Bear granted to her by my Step-Mother-In-Law who met us there and spoiled Alina till her hearts content!! Money was not an issue so Alina was able to pick out anything she wanted really---that was nice for a change cause there's always a limit when shopping with Logan and I! The experience was unique building the stuffed animal that she chose and picking out clothes and accessories. Mertz was a good sport walking around with us watching his sister smile! Afterwards she paid for them to go on a little train ride in the mall and the carousel where they both had a good time together.

On another note, we got a phone call on Mothers Day from Logan's brother who's son was in the hospital. Just a background--the parents are divorced, the son decided a while ago not to stay in touch with his dad and that's been about 5 years or so and this is the kind of phone call he gets that his son is in the ICU with a fractured skull and is in and out of consciousness. It was a crazy day! Apparently nobody is saying what really happened, and all we know are a few details that he was found unconscious on a street in Manchester and his wallet was with him with nothing stolen from him that they can tell, and the friends were out drinking and a car broke down and my nephew left the scene cause he didn't want to wait for a tow truck being it wasn't his car etc... that's all we really know, we think he was jumped. Nobody is talking or returning phone calls! My nephew, 21, is able to talk and doesn't remember what happened and so far he didn't suffer any injury to prevent him from moving or talking so he isn't a vegetable but he'll be in the hospital for a time and currently moved into a regular hospital room. With this incident, his dad and he had a good talk and hopefully will be seeing more of each other in the future and lets hope the step mom doesn't get in the way of their relationship, which may be the reason he stayed away in the first place according to my S.M.I.L. Who knows?

Birthday activities

Here I am about to put the layers together of batting and the backing.
I had just added the circle pieces still without backing and without the antennas.
So it has been, a birthday for Alina! This is the quilt I made that is shaped as a Butterfly! She Absolutely loved it! The day was wonderful for her! We made cupcakes the night before her birthday for her class. She helped make vanilla and chocolate batters. I had plans of marble cupcakes, but she wanted to do some just vanilla and just chocolate, well its really what she wants so we did some cupcakes vanilla some chocolate. For herself and her teacher however, she added half vanilla and half chocolate for the cupcakes--I thought how sweet! The morning of her birthday after she left for school and after all the cupcakes had enough time to cool, I added the frosting and then dropped them off to the class for snack time.
After school after her little family party with just the four of us, we had to depart Logan to work and karate, Mertz, Alina, and I had to go together to Mertz' piano lesson. After that we went out to eat and enjoyed some root beer floats or Shirley Temple drink with a dinner that turned into consoling a trembling son who broke out in a panic attack! I was sad for him and trying to calm him while the server took forever coming back to take the check so we could go home where I could better console Mertz in private. Mertz calmed down after we left and fell asleep on the way home and the attack ended. But aside from that we all had a pretty decent day. Just don't ask me how I did working that night because it was awful, I hardly got any sleep so today I made up for it and slept 10hrs today while the kids were in school and Logan was able to pick them up so I could sleep more! That was great after all!

Understanding and accepting change

I just want to take a moment and say for once, I'm glad I have for the most part a strong bill of health! For I am able to physically help others who have limited abilities. This goes for at work and home. I have been working hard to keep my head on straight as there are days when I've think I have lost it, and if I have than I pretend well! I am surrounded by those who are less fortunate than myself and however there are those around me who are strong too! I recently found out, although it really shouldn't have been a surprise to me, however it was, I have a brother-in-law who no longer is able to work. He had a great job with IBM and over the years his diabetes have caused his eyesight to really diminish to the point where the docs have decided that he's legally blind. I was aware of his eyes going blind, but his workplace was accommodating him with super large magnification on the computer to do his job with and all sorts of other stuff, but I guess its been months since he's worked, and I just found this out.

Its hard to make that realization that as we get older we change. We change with personality thru our experiences, we change physically, we change all the time in endless ways. Change is good for most things, change is hard also to accept and realize especially if it affects the way we would normally go about our day. I should know about change, I see 50+ years ahead of where I really HOPE NOT TO BE when I get older. When I go to work dealing with many persons that have dementia and limited abilities from other ailments its so sad. But there is hope, most elderly go on to lead very happy and decent lives & cross my fingers&

So it goes, there are days of rejoicing, there are days of quiet heartache, and days that never seem to end. Its how we approach them, how we prepare ourselves in dealing with these matters if they are to come up. I believe its good to stay close to God. This is how I've got thru hard things before, just knowing that I can with His help. Sometimes His help comes from those around me, or from a motivating song I hear to get me moving, or a thought runs thru my head that it just needs to get done. I am so far from being perfect, but He has blessed me with the ability to do many things to help even my family or those who I am employed to help, and making progress with them truly makes me happy!

Sewing and Biking

I'm currently making a quilt for Alina as a surprise for her birthday! I wondered how I was going to pull this off without her knowing since most days she's in school and I'm sleeping...well I decided I'd take it to work with me. I figured that that was the best idea! So when I'm on break I pull out the project and work on it and its been working out fine. So far I've cut the pieces and now on to getting the pieces of the quilt sewn together. It should be done in but a few more nights at most. Finding this quilt pattern was perfect timing. It has been almost two weeks ago that I went and purchased the fabric which was all on sale!! The quilt did I mention, is going to be in the shape of a butterfly when finished? It should turn out nicely and to know she has no idea I'm making it is a real treat. Its not really the kind of quilt to use so much when one goes to bed but it could be put on a made bed. Its my first machine-made quilt.

So as some of you know, I use a site called Freecycle which has many people in my area signed up to recycle any used and unwanted stuff. I requested a bike specifically for Alina since she grew out of hers, I got a response quite quickly of one! I was so excited cause I've requested some other things that didn't get a response at all. So I responded to the offer. They described it as not being used very much by their daughter and in great condition. I picked that up today in excitement cause I couldn't wait to see Alina's face when I give it to her for a surprise! However, to MY surprise, it was a 15speed Mountain bike! Not my first choice for a young girl Alina's age. In fact its big enough for me!! I was saddened that it isn't suitable for her and that she may be upset that she doesn't have a bike. I look at it this way, she knew I wanted a working bike, and have been quietly looking for one for me to exercise with this summer, so she really doesn't have any idea who it was supposed to be for. When I came home with the bike she really was happy to see I have a nice new bike! She wasn't thinking of herself at all! I know I'll have to looking again. A free bike for me! Yipee!!

Laughing

Logan and I amid some of our downs, are having some good alone times, laughing and making jokes! It feels so good when we are together sharing these moments! I know a lot of times its so crazy and upsetting! We really do and still enjoy one another and I really soak up these moments! Who wouldn't? I was telling him about a dream that I had (and many of you know my dreams can be quite goofy at times) it was a dream that we were at a castle, many people were gathered there and all waiting for Logan to arrive. I was in with the crowd with the kids and we also were acting like everyone else and not as the "wife and kids". After a while the press wanted to talk to me about my "famous" husband and so I did...don't remember that part all too well...but after that... the strange part...Amy N. walked in on my celebratory dream!! Just out of nowhere, what a disappointment, there must be some meaning behind that one! Logan and I had a good laugh about that, he's only met her once and that was enough for him! Why is that? I had a strange friend in her, even days I wish she wasn't my friend, especially when I was working as a cashier circa 1999 and she'd come thru my line and tell me a real bad (dirty) joke so everyone around could hear it...I wanted to sock her one every time she'd done that!!!

Finding Balance

I have been trying to find a balance in life lately. The prospect of us moving again so we can be on the first floor instead of the third is really coming to a consideration because Logan is having such a horrible time making it up and down the stairs. With sciatica and degenerative disk disease the odds are piling up against him. Sleepless nights and waking up screaming in pain...it takes its toll on one's life! Either being the onlooker or himself!! The end of this month we go to a meeting for the Beriatric Surgery which in this hospital he could have his operation sometime after 3 months from this first meeting we attend! Logan finally showed up at a chiropractor and got an adjustment on his back/neck. Logan went a second time to the chiropractor and said that Logan's skeleton isn't holding the adjustment(haven't been to one in over a year), not only is his spine curved and twisted, his hips are also twisted too! Can you imagine?? Since the guy specializes in hands/arms, he took a good look at Logan's hand which was operated on and by the looks of it he said that the doctor may have severed some tendons in Logan's hand which is why he cant roll his thumb in a circular motion! So now we are thinking Logan needs a second opinion about his hand if its true, he may have been victim of medical malpractice! This is Logan's career on the line. He's been unable to play guitar like he used to before the operation and is making ridiculous mistakes that just shouldn't happen with a professional like himself! But he continues to teach and play through it all!

I have been sluggish with work. I'm really blessed I have a career in Nursing, however its getting old and wearing on me, nothing is as it used to be when I first started. I'm just not as happy there as I used to be the morale there is so low, I'm not even so proud to work there. It may be bringing me down with all the other issues swirling around me. I'm now talking to a professional to help me through my grievances.


Since public school has started for the kids, Mertz has been misbehaving badly and Alina has been doing well in school. So the firstborn usually causes the worst trouble, and so indeed its going in that direction, he's not a bad kid, I think he's being controlled by other kids from school bad ideas. All I know is that we don't have cable TV for over a year almost two now, we control what comes into our viewing at home and what gets heard! We are the parents and we accept it as our FIRST JOB above any other and we take it SERIOUSLY unlike some parents!!

Easter Time at our home!

We did something different this year with a new coloring of "eggs". At our house nobody likes to eat the hard boiled eggs except for me. So I figured instead of wasting food, I saw these "eggs" at the grocery store made by "PEEPS" so essentially they taste the same as what peeps are except shaped as eggs and uncolored. Each package came with one gel color, so I bought 3 packs to get the pink, purple, and yellow gel colors. The kids had a great time designing their easter eggs and shared some with Logan and I and with their Memere! I did three designs on my own if you can spot them!

I have been feeling very sick lately since Thursday, I was told I have a virus, but it could be even the flu, still getting over it. To help me get better faster and this wasn't planned, but it happenend anyway, I had my first full body massage Monday! I already had an appointment to go, but I still went but it wasn't as good of a time. Once I turned over to be on my belly it was so tough to breathe because of my congestion overall it was a great massage but I think I'll enjoy it better when I'm feeling myself again.

God is Mindful of Me

Sunday, January 27th my Mertz was Baptized!! It was a wonderful experiance for all who attended. The talk on Baptisim was chosen by Mertz given by "Master" Rob aka Uncle Rob. And the talk on the Holy Ghost was also chosen by Mertz, Memere who gave a wonderful visual presentation on the Holy Ghost. Logan gave quite a choked up expression when he baptized Mertz, and he conferred upon Mertz the Gift of the Holy Ghost. As our bishopric member noted that he always feels the spirit in a baptisim and it was a very interesting night because it was also the night that our Prophet for so many years died, Gordon B. Hinkley. Now I don't want to look at it as a bad thing, its a time to remember for sure! The same time Logan and I were going thru some tough times, we were still without a car, but on our way to getting one fixed that we haven't used in a while. That night a blessing happened after the baptism we almost didn't get home but said we had no ride if Suzanne had left us. That stirred my siblings to wonder what I was talking about. The next few hours would tell the story. Soon after we got home my brother called and told us he had a car available to us. He was getting ready to sell it and knowing that our van passed away, he was willing to make a sacrafice to me and my family! I was so grateful! The next day, my father came to get me and we went together to get the car. The Tarus Wagon was what I had in mind for our needs! The other car we own that is unfixed at the moment, is too small for us for travelling as a family with a guitar! The guitars Logan owns are like one of the family. Also the newish car (to us) was able to transport an amp for Logan, the little car wouldn't have trekked it without a trailer hahahaha! Its only a two door and fitting something that stands about 2 3/4 ft tall square just wont cut it! Blessings have poured over us in many ways this month--even that Logan was kept safe when our van was up in smoke. My eyes have been more open to see my blessings lately and I'm counting them and trying to be a better person to know that God is looking after me thru his servants upon the land in which I live! Again I am truly grateful to my Ward and my Family for helping us out in a huge way!

The Good and Bad

Well do you want to hear the good news or the bad news first?
Well the GOOD News is (lets start out positive) Mertz had a birthday party on Saturday which he only wanted boys who knew each other, (excluding cousins) from his class (sorry fam) with the exception of a girl he likes to call her by some other name (no not girlfriend) oh it slipped my mind for a minute, "Colt" he calls her. It was a successful birthday party, small as far as who came vs. how many he invited but it was as the kids who came who said "the best birthday party they've ever been to!" WOW!! Thanks for THAT! The theme was based on his now beloved game, POKEMON. We played a Pokemon Bingo Game that was a huge hit (I made the game myself) we had a Pokemon match game, and another game really without a name but we had prizes and much fun!! Alina was at her friend's house doing GIRLY stuff in the meantime, where she and her friend did manecures, makeup and pedicures and so on. It was a perfect day on Saturday Mertz got what he wanted (no sister) and Alina got what she wanted (NO brother)time with her friend!! Sunday Alina had her friend come with us to church the girl is really interested in coming every Sunday so that's nice! Monday was the day where the BAD NEWs comes. Logan was off to work and never showed up! I, for the first time wasn't worried, it was odd cause normally I would have worried, but his work called me three times and I thought he should have been there by now...maybe, I was thinking to myself, he stopped for a bite to eat or something harmless like that....but no....our Van caught on fire on the way up to Manchester, in Merrimack on the highway!!!! It was not a long lasting fire, however our van is S.O.L. or can I say TOAST!! What a catastrophie when I heard the news. The fire really didn't last long however it caused the engine and all sorts of underneath stuff to go in an unworking conditon, the body and interior went unharmed....What a F-n shame!! We're really blessed though that nobody was hurt, except Logan's back took a beating cause he had to walk home for 5miles--he didn't have the cell phone, and don't ask me why the heck he didn't stop to use a phone in a business on the way????....."dummy" or "too proud" is alll I have to say about that. So we have no working vehicle right now, and we have two cars but they are both in unregistered, and unworking condition. So walking for me has increased, getting rides to work and so forth have been needed, and my shopping has slowed! Life has got to get better than this!!!!!! The one car we may have fixed is so small it barely fits anything in it!! We really need a van/Truck with the loads of equiptment Logan hulls around or things I need to take out of storage or put in storage....ULLLLL! Frustrated is an understatement!

Not so Quiet Nights

Just quickly, I was home last night sleeping and Logan was in a load of pain as he has been for two months and maybe even longer if it isn't his tooth its been his hand and if it isn't his hand it is his back and then its a pain that runs down his leg (siatica) some 10+ on the pain meter to the point where he's screaming just about all thru the day/night whenever he's got to move. But lets admit hahaha all men are babies when they are sick-I should know I work with a good deal of em! But seriously, laying in the bed only gets so far and then he moves to the floor in the living room (cause we don't have a large couch) and on and on he moves thru the rooms finding a comfortable way to lay down or one place isn't working out for an entire night that moving is a must. The horrific pains he expresses has waken Mertz in the middle of the night and at a few times he has run to Logan's yells to rub his back, talk about love!! I feel so helpless knowing there's nothing that I can really do except encourage to see the chiropractor or doctor (besides a backrub) to calm his pain; but with a young son with compassion that runs in his veins like the air we breathe makes me so proud!
I haven't been doing much lately besides playing with the kids and tending to the hubby like I feel like work continues even after I get home from work--sometimes I feel like I need to keep my scrubs on thru the day!! You will see on my page here I added a link to getting kids organized....AHHhh this has worked wonders in the past week since I discovered it and my kids are eating it up like crazy. A woman who professes to come by the kids room to check if its clean! I haven't been very successful at teaching the kids to keep their room clean, its close to impossible to ride them each and every day with it and some days its been so bad nobody wants to enter that room and after finding the House Fairy things have changed tremendously. I was showing Alina the videos and she really has fallen in love with the House Fairy and on the first night before I went to work and before she went to bed she cleaned up her room without a hassle or a fuss which is totally a transfomation it was an Alina I hadn't seen before! She went about cleaning like it was her favoriate thing to do! Not SO! But she did it willingly and as promised, the House Fairy dropped by a suprise! She and Mertz have kept their room very decent since that four nights ago. And I tell you, it has always been a struggle with them to clean up their messy messy room. We are eager waiting to hear back from House Fairy since we signed up to join so we can get all the fun stuff..let's hope things can stay this way all year!

seperate*

I really dont think I should have called this site the "Family" site cause its mostly about what I want to say and not so much about what Logan cares to read about or add to. Hes not into blogging nor does it excite him to read what I have posted about our family. He's just a low laying kind of person who doesn't get all mushy over things. So he's a real man! He is really someone people want to be around with his boisterous personality but he is very much a homebody and likes to be home with the family and play with his kids and occassionally he goes to his sisters and meet up with the "GAY" nephews who are not at all gay but love to pick on that sort of thing--don't ask cause its beeen a long running joke for years and years.
In our home its unlike us to be all about the latest fad instead spend time as a family teaching the kids what is important, like developing talents or being with family and playing but also keeping a close focus on what is good. The kids understand sacrifice and bending for someone elses needs as Logan and I often do for each other and within our family. We teach them about what we value and believe most of all is to value each other and then they have learned to value themselves and learn to stand up for themself. There are times and moments in our home that are distain and off key but it keeps life interesting and gives us a chance to look at what went wrong and come together again with an attitude of change. Well gotta go do something for the family now