Wednesday, June 16, 2010

I've been off the writing block for a while. My internet use has gone to minimal, but not so much by choice, nevermind about that. I've been working a lot less because of my client passing away. She was my workload all 40/hrs a week. Now I'm working what seems like a lot but it's not...going from house to house a few hours here and there but it's yet to do it for me. So I'm slowly working my way into the day shift and away from second shift. I may even work some overnights as I recently attended a Home Health and Hospice inservice training on what is a vigil on the night of the death of persons... Its really not an event I'd like to dwell on, but as birth and marriage and all other life happenings, this one is also a big event that, for many, don't want to be near or talk about. My mom was my very first and since then, its been many in my life at work. I've seen it all and I continue to revisit that sacred moment in people's lives where they go on their next journey. I used to be so afraid of death as a kid, even having real bad panic attacks over it, thinking about it, that makes me wonder what the hell I'm doing working along it? I've definitely come to face my fears whatever they were at age 7-? when I stopped panicking/wondering about it. I am so comfortable about it in my own mind that when it comes it will be my time, just as all other things happen. Is this creeping you out? I don't really care if it is or not, to many I say, get over it! We come into this world with nothing and we leave this world with nothing. That's the physical part of it. The emotional part is left for those who are left behind. I just lost my mom 13 or so years ago, and I'm okay with that. I get sad, but I am always remembering her for who she was, not what killed her or the crappy circumstances that made the end hard. I lost many folks who I've met and grew close to, and each one of them I remember their names and their faces and the things they taught me. Some taught me joy, even in their last months where pain was taking over them and the meds couldn't calm them, some told me "never to get old" well, I just don't know how I'd avoid that, but I'll keep trying... some taught me to be more less worried about the little things and enjoy what I can do, especially at my age, and the list goes on. I really love the lessons on life and philosophy the wise and old have.