Understanding and accepting change

I just want to take a moment and say for once, I'm glad I have for the most part a strong bill of health! For I am able to physically help others who have limited abilities. This goes for at work and home. I have been working hard to keep my head on straight as there are days when I've think I have lost it, and if I have than I pretend well! I am surrounded by those who are less fortunate than myself and however there are those around me who are strong too! I recently found out, although it really shouldn't have been a surprise to me, however it was, I have a brother-in-law who no longer is able to work. He had a great job with IBM and over the years his diabetes have caused his eyesight to really diminish to the point where the docs have decided that he's legally blind. I was aware of his eyes going blind, but his workplace was accommodating him with super large magnification on the computer to do his job with and all sorts of other stuff, but I guess its been months since he's worked, and I just found this out.

Its hard to make that realization that as we get older we change. We change with personality thru our experiences, we change physically, we change all the time in endless ways. Change is good for most things, change is hard also to accept and realize especially if it affects the way we would normally go about our day. I should know about change, I see 50+ years ahead of where I really HOPE NOT TO BE when I get older. When I go to work dealing with many persons that have dementia and limited abilities from other ailments its so sad. But there is hope, most elderly go on to lead very happy and decent lives & cross my fingers&

So it goes, there are days of rejoicing, there are days of quiet heartache, and days that never seem to end. Its how we approach them, how we prepare ourselves in dealing with these matters if they are to come up. I believe its good to stay close to God. This is how I've got thru hard things before, just knowing that I can with His help. Sometimes His help comes from those around me, or from a motivating song I hear to get me moving, or a thought runs thru my head that it just needs to get done. I am so far from being perfect, but He has blessed me with the ability to do many things to help even my family or those who I am employed to help, and making progress with them truly makes me happy!

Sewing and Biking

I'm currently making a quilt for Alina as a surprise for her birthday! I wondered how I was going to pull this off without her knowing since most days she's in school and I'm sleeping...well I decided I'd take it to work with me. I figured that that was the best idea! So when I'm on break I pull out the project and work on it and its been working out fine. So far I've cut the pieces and now on to getting the pieces of the quilt sewn together. It should be done in but a few more nights at most. Finding this quilt pattern was perfect timing. It has been almost two weeks ago that I went and purchased the fabric which was all on sale!! The quilt did I mention, is going to be in the shape of a butterfly when finished? It should turn out nicely and to know she has no idea I'm making it is a real treat. Its not really the kind of quilt to use so much when one goes to bed but it could be put on a made bed. Its my first machine-made quilt.

So as some of you know, I use a site called Freecycle which has many people in my area signed up to recycle any used and unwanted stuff. I requested a bike specifically for Alina since she grew out of hers, I got a response quite quickly of one! I was so excited cause I've requested some other things that didn't get a response at all. So I responded to the offer. They described it as not being used very much by their daughter and in great condition. I picked that up today in excitement cause I couldn't wait to see Alina's face when I give it to her for a surprise! However, to MY surprise, it was a 15speed Mountain bike! Not my first choice for a young girl Alina's age. In fact its big enough for me!! I was saddened that it isn't suitable for her and that she may be upset that she doesn't have a bike. I look at it this way, she knew I wanted a working bike, and have been quietly looking for one for me to exercise with this summer, so she really doesn't have any idea who it was supposed to be for. When I came home with the bike she really was happy to see I have a nice new bike! She wasn't thinking of herself at all! I know I'll have to looking again. A free bike for me! Yipee!!

Laughing

Logan and I amid some of our downs, are having some good alone times, laughing and making jokes! It feels so good when we are together sharing these moments! I know a lot of times its so crazy and upsetting! We really do and still enjoy one another and I really soak up these moments! Who wouldn't? I was telling him about a dream that I had (and many of you know my dreams can be quite goofy at times) it was a dream that we were at a castle, many people were gathered there and all waiting for Logan to arrive. I was in with the crowd with the kids and we also were acting like everyone else and not as the "wife and kids". After a while the press wanted to talk to me about my "famous" husband and so I did...don't remember that part all too well...but after that... the strange part...Amy N. walked in on my celebratory dream!! Just out of nowhere, what a disappointment, there must be some meaning behind that one! Logan and I had a good laugh about that, he's only met her once and that was enough for him! Why is that? I had a strange friend in her, even days I wish she wasn't my friend, especially when I was working as a cashier circa 1999 and she'd come thru my line and tell me a real bad (dirty) joke so everyone around could hear it...I wanted to sock her one every time she'd done that!!!

Finding Balance

I have been trying to find a balance in life lately. The prospect of us moving again so we can be on the first floor instead of the third is really coming to a consideration because Logan is having such a horrible time making it up and down the stairs. With sciatica and degenerative disk disease the odds are piling up against him. Sleepless nights and waking up screaming in pain...it takes its toll on one's life! Either being the onlooker or himself!! The end of this month we go to a meeting for the Beriatric Surgery which in this hospital he could have his operation sometime after 3 months from this first meeting we attend! Logan finally showed up at a chiropractor and got an adjustment on his back/neck. Logan went a second time to the chiropractor and said that Logan's skeleton isn't holding the adjustment(haven't been to one in over a year), not only is his spine curved and twisted, his hips are also twisted too! Can you imagine?? Since the guy specializes in hands/arms, he took a good look at Logan's hand which was operated on and by the looks of it he said that the doctor may have severed some tendons in Logan's hand which is why he cant roll his thumb in a circular motion! So now we are thinking Logan needs a second opinion about his hand if its true, he may have been victim of medical malpractice! This is Logan's career on the line. He's been unable to play guitar like he used to before the operation and is making ridiculous mistakes that just shouldn't happen with a professional like himself! But he continues to teach and play through it all!

I have been sluggish with work. I'm really blessed I have a career in Nursing, however its getting old and wearing on me, nothing is as it used to be when I first started. I'm just not as happy there as I used to be the morale there is so low, I'm not even so proud to work there. It may be bringing me down with all the other issues swirling around me. I'm now talking to a professional to help me through my grievances.


Since public school has started for the kids, Mertz has been misbehaving badly and Alina has been doing well in school. So the firstborn usually causes the worst trouble, and so indeed its going in that direction, he's not a bad kid, I think he's being controlled by other kids from school bad ideas. All I know is that we don't have cable TV for over a year almost two now, we control what comes into our viewing at home and what gets heard! We are the parents and we accept it as our FIRST JOB above any other and we take it SERIOUSLY unlike some parents!!

Easter Time at our home!

We did something different this year with a new coloring of "eggs". At our house nobody likes to eat the hard boiled eggs except for me. So I figured instead of wasting food, I saw these "eggs" at the grocery store made by "PEEPS" so essentially they taste the same as what peeps are except shaped as eggs and uncolored. Each package came with one gel color, so I bought 3 packs to get the pink, purple, and yellow gel colors. The kids had a great time designing their easter eggs and shared some with Logan and I and with their Memere! I did three designs on my own if you can spot them!

I have been feeling very sick lately since Thursday, I was told I have a virus, but it could be even the flu, still getting over it. To help me get better faster and this wasn't planned, but it happenend anyway, I had my first full body massage Monday! I already had an appointment to go, but I still went but it wasn't as good of a time. Once I turned over to be on my belly it was so tough to breathe because of my congestion overall it was a great massage but I think I'll enjoy it better when I'm feeling myself again.

God is Mindful of Me

Sunday, January 27th my Mertz was Baptized!! It was a wonderful experiance for all who attended. The talk on Baptisim was chosen by Mertz given by "Master" Rob aka Uncle Rob. And the talk on the Holy Ghost was also chosen by Mertz, Memere who gave a wonderful visual presentation on the Holy Ghost. Logan gave quite a choked up expression when he baptized Mertz, and he conferred upon Mertz the Gift of the Holy Ghost. As our bishopric member noted that he always feels the spirit in a baptisim and it was a very interesting night because it was also the night that our Prophet for so many years died, Gordon B. Hinkley. Now I don't want to look at it as a bad thing, its a time to remember for sure! The same time Logan and I were going thru some tough times, we were still without a car, but on our way to getting one fixed that we haven't used in a while. That night a blessing happened after the baptism we almost didn't get home but said we had no ride if Suzanne had left us. That stirred my siblings to wonder what I was talking about. The next few hours would tell the story. Soon after we got home my brother called and told us he had a car available to us. He was getting ready to sell it and knowing that our van passed away, he was willing to make a sacrafice to me and my family! I was so grateful! The next day, my father came to get me and we went together to get the car. The Tarus Wagon was what I had in mind for our needs! The other car we own that is unfixed at the moment, is too small for us for travelling as a family with a guitar! The guitars Logan owns are like one of the family. Also the newish car (to us) was able to transport an amp for Logan, the little car wouldn't have trekked it without a trailer hahahaha! Its only a two door and fitting something that stands about 2 3/4 ft tall square just wont cut it! Blessings have poured over us in many ways this month--even that Logan was kept safe when our van was up in smoke. My eyes have been more open to see my blessings lately and I'm counting them and trying to be a better person to know that God is looking after me thru his servants upon the land in which I live! Again I am truly grateful to my Ward and my Family for helping us out in a huge way!